"You are somebody’s reason to smile."

This one’s about a beautiful relation called friendship. It’s about compassion, it’s about being there for someone.

My first post on this blog was about friendship. When I had written it, I was 24 and not as wise as I am today. But when I read it, I know that I valued my friendships then and I value them now.

A lot of people come and go in our lives, some are there to cherish forever, some were an important part of your life at some point and some were just seasonal.

I met a friend yesterday. We used to talk everyday until a few years back. But life had plans which made us drift apart. We went our separate paths, to cross each other’s every now and then. And after growing some greys, and with every new “crossing of paths”, I look back and learn – learn more about the person, learn more about myself.

Sometimes you learn that the friendship you shared was more meaningful than you thought. That you made a difference.

That you are still the reason for them to smile.

And that realisation reinforces my faith in this relation every single time.

If each one of us keeps our egos at bay, and holds on to each other, sometimes selflessly, with a pure heart, 
the world, I am sure, will be a much better place to live in.

It’s a beautiful relation – cherish it.

“A true friend accepts who you are, 

but also helps you become who you should be.“  

What do we live for?

I was talking to my bestie today (only a 2 hour long talk) and we got talking about this and that as we had a lot to catch up. We were talking on the phone after 8 long months (we live in time zones that have barely 2-3 hours of overlap). We had been in touch of course, but only on dispersed whatsapp chats. People who have best friends and love talking about everything under the sun know that keeping in touch on whatsapp in as pseudo as buying a fake Prada (There’s a reason why I chose this illustration!).

That’s what has become of the new generation. Globalisation, IT, hectic lifestyles – everything is eating into our quality time. Our time with our families, with our partners, with our friends, with our neighbours, with our community.

Why?

What happened to us? What changed in the world? Why did our work make us unavailable to the people we most care about? Are we so lost in the rat race that we’ve forgotten our priorities? Is success in work the only parameter we live for? Are we truly happy with our lives?

If we are not happy, what can we change to make our lives better?

Tell me something – what is it that we are working so hard for? To buy things that will make us happy? A house, car, the latest iPhone, clothes to make us look great, showpieces to make the house look pretty.. be my guest and add on to the list! How many of these are our needs and how many are just add-ons to give us short-term happiness?

Is buying a Prada going to make us happy while we bust our ass at work, away from our family?

The day we realise what’s important to us and what we can let go of will be the day we start to live a truly “rich” life. Rich in happiness, rich in love and rich in compassion.

On Climate Change & Consumerism

I am going to write about consumerism. I know it is a topic not well received. Not a lot of people want to hear about it.  And as usual, I don’t want to be preachy because I am not that kind of a person. The only person I have successfully been able to preach to in the most serious manner possible is my husband. Because he has nowhere to run :P

But on a serious note, the issue of consumerism needs to be dealt with if we really want to save the environment, save the planet and if we are even half serious about the “Paris Climate Change” conference and it wasn’t just for some VIPs to have a vacation in a dream destination!

So, I will tackle this issue not from the nations’ or governments' viewpoint, but from your and mine and every common person’s. 
Because unless we change, the world as we see it - will end by 2050.

I haven’t researched numbers, I don’t have the statistics. But over the course of this blog, I will share links and videos that have, and they will alarm you (unless you are Ebenezer Scrooge!).

Do you want to know how you are destroying the planet (and your kids’ lives)?

The answer - Shopping.

The solution
An analogy - Let's lead our life as if it were a "Kopi C Kosong".

What’s Kopi C Kosong?

It’s the kick you need every morning. It’s the zing in the day. It’s the Indian equivalent of Adrak-Chai. You might remember a mention of it in “The Singapore Story”. Kopi C Kosong is Singapore’s version of Coffee with evaporated milk and no sugar.

Kopi      – coffee

C           – some milk

Kosong  – no sugar (*Kosong in Malay means “Nothing”.)

Our life should have…

zing to keep you fresh, alive and active. The basics = "Kopi"

a little hint of luxury and pampering = "C"

Nothing beyond that. Nothing what’s not needed. 
Nothing that spells Greed = "Kosong"

Take a peek into your life. Are you doing things you should not? Are you buying things you don’t need? Look around the room you are sitting in right now (even if you are in the bathroom!) and tell me how many of those things are essential to your living? Is there anything on those shelves that is eating dust, never been used? Open your wardrobe. How many of those clothes are lying around since the time they were bought just to end up getting donated a year from now? Go to the kitchen. Do you have dozens of plates and cups and forks and you use only 2 of each every day? Do you have two dinner serving sets– fancy and fancier – for fancy and fancier guests? Yes? Whaaaat…are you Monika from F.R.I.E.N.D.S?

Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson

Exhibit A:

21 Surprising Statistics That Reveal How Much Stuff We Actually Own

Exhibit B:

The following video explains quite simply what's been going on and what happens when we think of our shopping as completely harmless. It is a 21 minute video. That's a lot (?) of time from your busy schedules. But not that much if you want you and your kids (or kids you are planning) to survive in the next 35 years.

Look at this video of the Story of Stuff. (Come back when you are done!)

Now think of all those 10yr old children working 14 hours a day in China and Vietnam and elsewhere to make stuff available to you at cheap dollars, just so that this stuff can end up unused in your closets. Even if you use them, do you really want to? These kids gave up their childhood so that you can flaunt a new dress everyday and don’t have to repeat clothes for 4 weeks. And the number of environmental resources that were wasted - what value did they create? Nothing.

Your shopping is not harmless - not for you, not for the environment. 

Here’s how climate change is going to take place:

1. By 2050, there will be 1-2 degree of global warming unless greenhouse gas emissions are reduced over the next 10 years. If that does not happen, “The first symptoms may be minor. A person will feel slightly nauseous, dizzy and irritable. It needn’t be an emergency: an hour or so lying down in a cooler area, sipping water, will cure it. But in Paris, August 2003, there were no cooler areas, especially for elderly people. 14,800 died.”

2. Between 2-3 degrees of global warming, “Preventing mass starvation will be as easy as halting the cycles of the moon. First millions, then billions, of people will face an increasingly tough battle to survive.”

Think about it.

And think harder if you plan on having kids who will be at the age of a mere “33” in 2050.

Managing stress with an 8-8 job

Calvin and Hobbes - Fuzz Therapy. By good old Bill Watterson

I have been hearing a lot of stories about couples getting stressed out from managing their home, work and travel. I do not wish to write a philosophical article. They are available dime a dozen everywhere you look. But with age, wisdom tends to grow too and then people like me tend to throw in their 2 cents. Since this is a “serious” article, I am going to try my best to not get animated with my words. No exclamation marks – got it? Ok Start.

Where do I start? Let’s start with some anecdotes from my own life. And I’ll throw in some from the people around me – both kinds - people taking stress and people managing stress well.

Anecdote:

Yesterday was a day when I could have broken down from the number of things that went wrong. Since I am writing this article, obviously I survived. [Do not put an exclamation mark].

What went wrong?

• It’s winter and there was no hot water from solar heating at 6am. Apparently, the people responsible for water management forgot to do their job the previous day.

• My helper (who makes rotis – that’s “Indian flatbread” for the Westerners) did not show up on time. Yes, sometimes the measures you had taken to help you with time and stress management become the reason for more stress.

• My office cab which usually comes around 8am, decided to show up half an hour before time. [Do NOT use exclamation]

• Umm.. I won’t talk about the morning health issues, let’s keep some things out of this, ok? [can I use an emoji?]

• My husband’s brother who usually wakes up after I leave, had an early morning meeting and couldn’t find his handkerchief or his socks. This after I put in so many efforts to keep the house organized to avoid last minute rushes. Hmpf. Somebody forgot to throw them in the laundry basket. I wonder who? [please, oh please, let me use an emoji here]

• Time for office - office issues excluded from this discussion. It will need a long... long... dedicated post.

• At 6pm, my cab driver informs me that he will be 10 minutes late. That should be ok. I reorder my household shores in my mind because 10 minutes are a lot when you manage things by the minute. I have a meeting with offshore team at 8.30pm. Should be okay, I’ll manage. At 6.40pm, I finally get a call that the cab has arrived. [You can use your own emoji here. I’ll spare mine.]

• I reach home at 8pm. No idea how to manage dinner and laundry. [start singing in my head]. Looks like I’ll have to skip the meeting [more singing in the head… for some reason, it’s the Nescafe song].

How to survive a day like above and how I survived mine [drumroll]:

• If there’s no hot water, then do a “kauva snan” (a crow bath) as my Dad puts it. A little water here and a little water there. Out of the bath in 2 minutes. And if you hear your hubby “explaining”, not shouting, to the watchman how people need hot water in the morning to get ready for office, you should smile and think – I got a good husband who knows how to keep his cool in demanding times.

• If the helper arrives 10minutes before you are about to start, ask her to dump all other tasks and make you just those 2 rotis as fast as humanly possible. She might get upset, mind you. So think of how you can make up for it later. Have a calm conversation with her the next day perhaps? This one’s a toughie, but you can do it. Pointer: such situations are bound to happen once in a while. Build a good relationship beforehand so that these things don’t have a drastic affect on such mornings and people don’t threaten to quit. Like: bake a cake for her son’s birthday!

• Health issues: Read my health blog here. Don’t you dare try to figure out what’s wrong with me.

• Brothers-in-law : Sigh! Failed the exclamation test here. Can’t do much about them! SC, are you reading this? :P

• Cabs and cab drivers:  These are external forces. You can complain to your office transport department or you can just take it in your stride. For people living close to office, you can drive to office yourself. For people living even closer to office, cycle to office. Reduce this dependency and reduce the stress. Bonus: Also reduces the pollution and saves the environment.

• Missing late night office meetings: I’ll give the same advice as what I gave for the helper situation. Build good bonds on the smoother days so that nobody questions you on the rough-sailing days. And, most importantly, don’t sulk inside. Instead, let the stakeholders know about your situation so that they understand what’s going on.

• At this point, maybe your spouse can have a hot dinner ready - like mine did ;) . Bless him! [This bullet point is excluded from the no exclamation-no smiley rule] [Also, bullet point added on demand from the husband!]

• At the end of the day, sit down, talk to your spouse about anything other than the bad day. Unwind with topics of your interest.

• Lastly, have a good hot bubble bath. If you don’t have a tub, like I don’t, just take a hot bath, because remember you haven’t taken one today!

Let’s manage time a little better. That was a long article for both you and me. I’ll share other people’s anecdotes and stress management tips in another article, another day.

Stay happy, stay healthy!

Hello there!

Since food and health are topics very dear to me, I wanted them to have a dedicated space of their own!

So I have moved this section to my new space at FoodieSense!

Stop by and and I will help you make your life more delicious and healthier. :)

Profound Life and the husband!

Pearls of wisdom about to follow – read at your own risk ;)

Now that we have the precautionary advice in place, read on!

Of late, I have been struggling with time management, which is funny because until a couple of years back, I thought of myself as a super-efficient and meticulous person. But now I didn’t even have enough time to think about what changed and how to improve it, until one day I was so exhausted that the brain signalled – you have got to stop and take a rain check.

And I did – I took a rain check!

Boy o boy was I in for a surprise. This life, I tell you, is not easy. It has got some nasty tricks up its sleeve. But worry not – we are not faint-hearted either.

Some notes:

1. The notion that “Life throws at you only as much as you can take” is a myth. Life can throw anything at you at anytime.

2. You have to be extra smart and beat the “Darwin” out of it. Not for nothing did he come up with the theory of Survival of the Fittest!

3. No matter what life throws at you, you can beat it with some patience and some efforts.

Well, I said to myself - you may not be able to change or reduce the number of events that are happening (not right away, at least), but you can certainly change the way you deal with them. And with some more efforts, you can bring some order in your life. And if even after all these efforts, you think it’s not working out, your life’s not improving, it’s time for some major refactoring.

So I started reading some inspirational websites, making some lifestyle changes and taking quantum leaps in the department of philosophy. Had somebody told me 3 years back that I would be preaching this stuff to people, I would have fainted!

Websites that I liked:

theminimalists.com

• This is the first website I came across that helped me in my quest for a peaceful life
• The concepts registered right away in my brain, they made sense. The less stuff I have, the less time I will spend taking care of and maintaining them and lesser I will have to work in order to afford them. So basically you are telling me that – I won’t have to work hard to earn so much money, I won’t have to spend so much time cleaning and I will have more time and peace of mind! Sold!
• Having said that, I am not a regular follower of the site. I am already implementing minimalism and trying to get better at it each day. Let’s see how it goes. J

zenhabits.net

• minimalists led me to zen habits and Leo Babauta. Achieving the zen state is a dream. A dream which can be realized with small steps every day of life. It is an ongoing goal affecting your whole being. Slow and steady.
• I do visit this website every now and then to absorb some more inspiration or whenever I am in need of some philosophical intellect.

What changes am I making in my life so that I have more time for stuff I want to do?

1.   I am getting rid of whatever’s lying around in the house eating dust. We buy and we forget. We get gifts and we forget. The clutter just piles up. Not good!

2.   More free space in the house = freer mind.

3.   Less stuff  = less cleaning and maintaining.

4.   I am buying less. I buy only what’s necessary. Sometimes I find ways to avoid even that! HA! (Laziest people are the smartest, aren’t they? :P).

5.   Less buying = No shopping trips on the weekends. I order my grocery online too.

6.   That leaves me with Saturdays to take care of doctor visits, family visits and miscellaneous activities.

7.   And that leaves me with free Sundays!

On a side note, 3 years ago, my wise husband had said to me these exact words and showed me these exact websites. But who listens to husbands? Only when you go through the difficult situations and face the hardships do you realise that your husband was right the entire time! Phew! 

Shhh.. don’t tell him!